i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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