omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
