dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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