Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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