guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
