Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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