Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
