do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
