I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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