He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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