i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
