I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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