Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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