I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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