she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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