after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
