There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
