I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
