yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
