I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
