Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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