I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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