In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
