Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
