Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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