tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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