you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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