well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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