Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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