Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
