all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
