your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't deserve a penis
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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