Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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