Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
