I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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