Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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