The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
