I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
