If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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