dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every concussion has its silver lining
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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