The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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