how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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