Don't you send me to vm
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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