he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
