i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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