is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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