White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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