Please, let me fuck your mom
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
