i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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