it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
