But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
