I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
